Reasons Why Men Work Hard And Women Run Away

Marieke Stoop
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In this decade, we all would like to have a great career, be a good partner, spend time with family, children, and friends, and realise all our dreams. Days go too fast and still you are busy and do not have enough time to cope with it all. Men and women act differently in times like this.

In general, women will display frustration, impatience, complaining and oppressive behaviour, while men will deal with it by retreat into their burrow. Men will throw themselves at work, hobbies, and games, or sit behind a computer.

Men and women act differently in times like this. Where do these reactions come from and what could you do to act and overcome those differences?

The reasons for men and women to work hard

Most reasoning is based upon our past experiences; our education, society, business culture and our thoughts and beliefs.

Examples of the situations that lead to our thoughts could be:

  • You are raised with the mindset that to achieve results in life you need to work hard, be tough and sacrifice a lot.
  • You want to earn a lot of money to have the life you want.
  • You work hard as your manager or client asks you to. All your colleagues are working hard. It is a common situation. You need to show your willingness and cooperation.

As we have more choices in life than 30 years ago, women are often trapped in their beliefs that they need to be successful and caring in their role as partner and mother by working with the same dedication as they did before having children. Women without children could feel pressure from society to start thinking about being a mother in combination with their current job.

Men work hard to feel appreciated. A man wants to secure his family a good life by earning more money.  In order to achieve this, he will work late and spend less time with his partner, family and friends. A man may think his partner will appreciate this as he is making a huge effort, but this is often not the case.

The emotional needs of men and women

What men and women need to understand is that they both have their own emotional needs that need to be fulfilled in life. A woman needs care, understanding, respect, confirmation, reassurance and dedication to her. A man needs confidence, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement.

The little things that makes the difference

What a man needs to realise is that a woman appreciates every action or present the same amount, regardless of the amounts of time spent on it or its size.

In other words, while a man thinks a big gesture will make the difference (double income, buying a big present, securing a better life) a woman is just as happy to receive a kiss as a big present. Her level of appreciation will not be different.

A woman is just like a plant that will grow from frequent watering, attention and nutrition. It is the little things that make the difference for her. if she receives this things, she will not run away as they have both worked hard.

What a man could do:

  • Give her a hug and kiss when arriving home, before doing other things;
  • Buy flowers once in a while, or perfume or her favourite food;
  • Give her a compliment;
  • Choose a restaurant, instead of letting her making the decision;
  • Look at her when she is talking instead of looking at a TV/phone/magazine;
  • Spend time with her and plan some days to spend together;
  • Call/text her when you will be late to get home;
  • Let her know when you need to have time for yourself, and when you are coming back;
  • Tell her that you love her (more than once a day);
  • Surprise her with a dinner or show up at work to have lunch;
  • Hold her hand and show your affection for her in public.

What a woman could do:

  • Show your appreciation in everything he does for you;
  • Tell him what you need and suggest solutions that both of you will follow;
  • Don’t panic if he needs to spend time for himself. He needs his freedom in order to come back;
  • Enjoy your life by doing activities with friends as he needs to have time for himself;
  • Ask him only to listen, without him suggesting a solution (men are thinking in solutions);
  • If he does not immediately react on your message, it has nothing to do with you. The only thing that is happening is that he is not reacting as fast as accordingly to your expectations. Your expectation, not his reaction, is in your way;
  • Ask for help and anything you want. He loves to help you!

Marieke Stoop

Books related to this topic:

  • Men are from Mars, women from Venus by John Gray (1992)
  • Why men lie and women cry by Allan & Barbara Pease (2003)

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