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What does success mean to you? It’s one of those questions that sounds simple but can stop you in your tracks. The honest answer is: success means something different to everyone. There is no universal definition. Success is personal, shaped by your values, your life situation, and what genuinely matters to you. The moment you stop chasing someone else’s version of it and start defining your own, everything shifts.
This article walks you through exactly how to do that. We look at why the standard idea of success often falls short, how your values shape your personal definition, and how to figure out what success actually looks like for you, across different areas of life and at different stages of it.
☰ In this article
Why Society’s Version of Success Doesn’t Fit Everyone
Most of us grew up with a pretty clear script: study hard, get a good job, earn more money, buy a bigger house, climb the ladder. That’s the blueprint society hands you. And for some people, parts of that blueprint genuinely resonate. But for a lot of people, following it feels hollow, like wearing someone else’s shoes.
The problem is that society’s version of success is mostly built around external markers. Status. Income. Job title. Followers. These things are visible and easy to measure, which makes them easy to chase. But visible doesn’t mean meaningful. When your sense of achievement depends entirely on what other people can see, you’re always one comparison away from feeling like you’re falling short.
Redefining success starts with recognising that the standard script was never written with you specifically in mind. It was written for a general audience. And you are not general.
The Values That Shape a Personal Definition of Success
Before you can define what success looks like for you, you need to get clear on what you actually value. Not what you think you should value, but what genuinely drives you, energises you, and gives your life meaning.
Values are the foundation of a personal success mindset. When your goals are aligned with your values, working toward them feels purposeful. When they’re not, even achieving those goals leaves you feeling empty. Think of someone who hustles for years to reach a senior leadership role, only to realise they never actually wanted to manage people: they wanted creative freedom. The achievement was real, but the fit was off.
Some values that often shape how people define personal success include:
- Freedom — the ability to make your own choices about how and where you work and live
- Impact — making a meaningful difference for others, a community, or a cause
- Security — financial stability, predictability, and peace of mind
- Growth — continuously learning, developing skills, and evolving as a person
- Connection — building deep relationships with people who matter to you
- Recognition — being seen, appreciated, and respected for your contributions
- Creativity — expressing yourself and building things that are uniquely yours
None of these values is better or more valid than another. What matters is that yours are genuinely yours, not borrowed from a LinkedIn feed or a parent’s expectations.
How to Define What Success Looks Like for You
Defining success for yourself is less about finding the perfect answer and more about asking the right questions, honestly, without filtering your answers to sound impressive.
Here is a practical process to get you started:
- Reflect on your best moments. Think back to times when you felt genuinely proud, fulfilled, or energised. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made those moments feel significant?
- Identify what drains you. Equally useful is noticing what consistently leaves you feeling flat or resentful. These are often signals that you’re working toward goals that don’t actually align with your values.
- Write your own definition. Finish this sentence without overthinking it: “I feel successful when…” Write whatever comes up, even if it surprises you.
- Check for external noise. Look at what you wrote. Is it genuinely yours, or does it sound like something you absorbed from someone else? Edit ruthlessly.
- Set goals that match your definition. Once you know what success means to you, your goals become much easier to prioritise, because you have a filter to run them through.
This isn’t a one-time exercise. Think of it as a practice you return to, especially when life changes or when something stops feeling right. You can find more practical tools and reflection prompts in our resources section if you want to go deeper.
Success Across Different Areas of Life
One of the biggest mistakes people make is defining success only in terms of career or money. But life is bigger than your job title, and a genuinely fulfilling life tends to involve multiple dimensions.
Consider what success means to you across these areas:
- Work and career — Are you doing work that feels meaningful, uses your strengths, and gives you room to grow?
- Finances — Do you have enough to live comfortably and with security, whatever “enough” means to you?
- Health and energy — Are you taking care of your body and mind in a way that supports the life you want to live?
- Relationships — Do you have people around you who genuinely know you, support you, and challenge you?
- Personal growth — Are you learning, evolving, and becoming more of who you want to be?
- Contribution — Are you giving back in some way that feels meaningful to you?
The meaning of success shifts depending on which area of life you’re looking at. And that’s fine. The goal isn’t to win at everything simultaneously; it’s to feel like the different areas of your life are broadly in balance with your values and priorities. If you’re curious about how mindset and leadership intersect with this kind of self-awareness, our blog covers a lot of ground on exactly that.
How Your Definition of Success Evolves Over Time
Here’s something worth sitting with: the version of success that motivates you at 25 is probably not the same one that will drive you at 45. And that’s not a failure; that’s growth.
Life changes you. A new relationship, a health scare, a career pivot, becoming a parent, losing someone you love: all of these experiences reshape what matters to you. The person who once defined success as reaching a certain salary might later find that flexibility and time with family matter far more. Neither version is wrong. Both are honest.
The risk is when people keep chasing an old definition of success that no longer fits who they’ve become. They hit the goal they set years ago and feel nothing, because they’ve changed, but their definition hasn’t caught up.
Revisiting your personal definition of success regularly is not a sign of inconsistency. It’s a sign of self-awareness. Give yourself permission to update it as you grow. The most successful people, in the truest sense, are the ones who stay honest with themselves about what they actually want, not just what they once wanted.
How Marieke Stoop Helps You Think About Success and Progress
Defining success for yourself is deeply personal work, but that doesn’t mean you have to figure it out alone. At Marieke Stoop, we believe that real progress starts with clarity: about who you are, what you value, and where you want to go. That’s the thread that runs through everything we do, from HR and leadership advisory to the books and resources we create for entrepreneurs, professionals, and business leaders.
Here’s how we can support you on that journey:
- Books and writing — Practical, no-nonsense reads on entrepreneurship, leadership, mindset, and career growth that help you think more clearly about your direction
- Resources and tools — Curated content designed to help you reflect, plan, and take action on what matters most
- Advisory and consulting — For HR professionals and business leaders who want strategic guidance grounded in real-world experience
If you’re ready to get clearer on what success looks like for you, in your career, your leadership, or your life, explore our books or browse what we offer. The best place to start is always with an honest question. And you’ve already asked one.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my personal definition of success conflicts with what my family or culture expects of me?
This is one of the most common and genuinely difficult tensions people face. Start by separating what you’ve internalised as your own values from what was handed to you externally — journaling or working with a coach can help make that distinction clearer. You don’t have to reject your family or culture to define success on your own terms; the goal is to find where your authentic values and your relationships can coexist, even if that requires some honest conversations along the way.
How do I know if I'm redefining success for genuine reasons or just rationalising avoiding hard work?
A useful test is to ask yourself whether your redefined version of success still challenges and stretches you, or whether it conveniently removes all discomfort. Authentic personal definitions of success are energising and directional — they point you toward something meaningful, even if the path is difficult. If your new definition simply lowers the bar without reflecting a real shift in values, that’s worth sitting with honestly before moving forward.
I know what I value, but I still struggle to set goals that feel meaningful. Where do I start?
The gap between knowing your values and translating them into goals is where most people get stuck, and it usually comes down to specificity. Try working backwards: imagine what a genuinely successful day, month, or year looks like in concrete, lived terms — not just outcomes, but how it feels and what you’re actually doing. From that picture, you can reverse-engineer the goals and habits that would make it real. Marieke Stoop’s resources section includes practical reflection tools that can help bridge exactly this gap.
Is it okay to value recognition or status as part of my personal definition of success?
Absolutely — and it’s important not to shame yourself for it. Recognition and status become problematic only when they’re the sole driver and you’re chasing them at the expense of everything else that matters to you. If being respected and seen for your work genuinely energises you and aligns with your broader values, that’s a legitimate and honest part of your success definition. The key is awareness: know why it matters to you, and make sure it’s working for you rather than running you.
How often should I revisit and update my personal definition of success?
There’s no fixed schedule, but a useful rule of thumb is to revisit it whenever something significant changes — a career shift, a major life event, a period of persistent dissatisfaction, or simply the end of a year. Even without a big trigger, an annual reflection is a healthy practice. The point isn’t to constantly overhaul your direction, but to make sure the goals you’re working toward still belong to the person you are now, not just the person you were when you set them.
What's the biggest mistake people make when trying to define success for themselves?
The most common mistake is doing the exercise once, in a single sitting, and treating the result as a permanent answer. Defining personal success is an ongoing practice, not a one-time declaration. A close second mistake is filtering your answers to sound admirable or acceptable — the most useful insights tend to come from the unfiltered, slightly uncomfortable truths about what you actually want, not the polished version you’d be comfortable sharing on a CV.
Can this approach to defining success work if I'm going through a major life transition or period of uncertainty?
It can — and in fact, periods of transition are often the most valuable times to do this kind of reflection, precisely because the old script has already been disrupted. That said, if you’re in the middle of acute stress or crisis, give yourself permission to focus on stability first before reaching for a grand redefinition. Once you have a bit of ground under your feet, returning to your values and asking what success looks like from here can be one of the most clarifying things you do.
