To free up your mind of expectations, start by not sticking to one thought or idea. In order to do that let’s first determine how a thought or idea arises. How to let go of thoughts and expectations about yourself, your partner, and work?
How does acting upon a thought actually work?
We are in a society busy to argue and explain everything in words and spoken languages. Besides using all those words, we also observe.
Observation and perception are peculiar tools. This is done by your senses, which leads to a thought: What if you have an expectation or an idea about your manager, partner or job?
Let’s say you are in that particular situation. The following occurs: You observe with all your senses. What you perceive is followed by your thoughts/mind. You act upon those thoughts, and because you acted upon a thought, you forget to look at what is actually happening. Your predetermined expectations, feelings and thoughts are blocking your from being really present in the actual situation.
From this persistence in observing, you will perceive the situation “your” way.
Persistence in observing
If you are a good observer, it could be that it feeds your persistence. You’re acting very strongly upon your thoughts while as you perceive a situation “that” way, But if you perceive a situation “that” way and you are holding to that persistence, is there an opening to see it in another way?
If you have a question about something you observe or perceive, examine and explore all the possibilities.
At this stage something is missing: the “definitely knowing for sure” feeling. If observation leads to a thought and you see something that you like, you want to know if what you perceive is “true”. It is only “true” when it happens in your heart.
The heart is the only organ that can estimate if something has “value”/ is “true”. The senses located in the head can absorb, but the heart flows your impression and information to its value. Then the flow of information in your body sinks into the abdominal area. There are the organs situated that can absorb; processing and draining information, which brings forward emotions.
Present in breathing
If you are present/living in the now, please pay attention to your breathing. You will notice changes in your attitude and body language.
Are you changing position? Do you have your arms and legs crossed or relaxed? Do you feel good/uncertain/tense? What word do you use? Do you tend to speak slower/faster/ louder? Which question are you asking? Do you even ask questions at all?
If you are aware of these aspects or your body, you will be an observer of yourself in every situation instead of being guided by thoughts and emotions. You will be able to see what is present, and won’t be concerned with what is not there, as you would expect.
You will find out that if you are present you will start asking different question that you used to. You will more earily identify, what you perceive in yourself, and how it reflects on you, and you will notice changes in verbal and nonverbal communication with yourself and others.
How do you let go?
Letting go of a thought or idea is harder for women. Sticking to an idea, and making demands or claims is a behaviour seen more often in women than men.
In the book “The insatiable woman, and the absence of the husband” by Lisette Thooft, the investigation into the behaviour of women through the ages is described; “(..) When a woman realises and stops her demanding and claims in her behaviour, she releases her lover, she becomes more human”(..)
She is fun and cheerful. Women do not complain because they want more control, but because they want and need more intimacy. If intimacy is not present, they will quickly launch into a spiralling number of demands, and then leave.
So, do not be too persistent in a situation. Be flexible.
If you are persistent, you move away from others, and are cold and untouchable. It is always from fear that women do not dare to let go. It is fear of being yourself, and therefore fear of not being attractive to others.
You are attractive if you are willing to make mistakes; to fall and rise again. Because you know how you will get up if you fall, you can avoid it from happening again, and know where to find the “patches” to stop the “bleeding”.
Something is true when you notice it in your heart, only we do not listen, to our heart too often. We still rely too much on perception and thoughts, (as we call the ego). Please be aware that life brings you challenges, life lessons and experiences that you need in that moment. Keep the faith and patience, although situations on the outside sometimes appear to be chaotic.
Read more about this topic in my articles:
- Prevent Disappointment. How Do You Let Go of Your Expectations?
- Lower Your Expectations; Free Up Your Mind and Prevent Disappointments
- How To Deal With Disappointment: The Emotional Roller Coaster
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